So I haven't been on in about two weeks. It's a long and pain in the ass journey but the short bit is, I spent almost three weeks being sick in some form or fashion. It started out as some sort of stomach bug but there was apparently more wrong than that.
As some of you know, I am type II diabetic and I have spent the past five years struggling with blood sugar control. I am finally getting it under raps with the assistance of an amazing Indocrinologist. I am still not at perfect levels but they are way better now than they were even six months ago. However, the journey doesn't end there. Before I was able to get a local indo, I had issues with an ulcer on my toe.
Round one with this ulcer took approximately two weeks to heal. However, it came back with a vengeance and I came really close to having my toe amputated. I was hospitalized this last week and was only in for three days total. The good thing about this is that I am out now. The bad part was the endurance of IV antibiotics and having to get Xrays and an MRI to determine whether or not the infection that was in my toe (staph by the way) had made it to the bone. I am thankful that it had not gone so long that this was the case.
So I think that even though I've been kinda down the past few weeks that it's time to be thankful for the good things. I have a wife who has stuck by me through all this. Fantastic friends who have checked on me and made sure I was ok through this whole ordeal. And I cant leave out my church pastor, parish nurse, and mother. All came to check on me at some point and helped ease my state of mind. This is important because I hate hospitals. The creep me out and I want to stay away from them as much as I possibly can. They all prevented me from going stir crazy and freaking out. I thank them for that.
I also had an awesome hospital staff that was kind, caring, and very understanding. I was probably not the best patient in the world but these girls and guys took really good care of me. I don't care that it's their job. I care that they never once made me feel like "they were just doing their jobs". This was a great contrast to some earlier experiences this year with staff that made me feel like crap for my conditions with which I have been diagnosed.
Here's the reality: I am not a small individual. I am overweight and seem to have serious problems losing weight or even gaining muscle mass. I can lose weight and I can lift weights. I am strong but I do not gain muscle mass for some reason. As a result, I quite literally look like a stick figure in a fat suit. I have normal or thin arms and legs but an overly large torso and abdomen. I am going to discuss this with my pcp as I am also griped at for not retaining weight loss. Earlier this year I was sent to get biopsies and other procedures to find out why I was having acid reflux issues on a severe level among other digestive issues. To say I was treated with a lack of concern or care is an vast understatement. The best I can offer is that I was treated with the attitude of "he's fat so it's his own fault and he deserves this". These doctors did not show the slightest iota of concern or care. It angers me. My gastro doctor will not return my phones calls.
I have been beating myself up for a greater part of the last ten plus months. I have had alot going on and spent very little time sharing it. I am opening up to my wife more and learning to move past my fears and try to face my insecurities and put real trust in the woman that I married five plus years ago.
I tell all this not to elicit sympathy but to show you that everyone does have their rough days and some of us have rough months or just rough lives. I am not one to often feel sorry for myself though I have battled depression for a very large amount of my life. I've never sought professional help for various reasons but I have found my own ways to deal with these things. Part of the reason I have not gone to a professional is the biggest reason and that's finances. Unfortunately, I am in the grouping of people who seems to have landed in the middle children of the technology age. The further I progress in my education and experience to get ahead in life and help provide my family a better life.
However, given everything going on, I find myself feeling very blessed in this day. I am exhausted and in need of some serious rest but I am ok. I wanted to share the past few weeks in a better light and help show that sometimes, it is a matter of perspective but that is not always the case.