The end of an entirely to long of a week is nearing its end. I'm not sure if it is going to be a good ending or a bad ending. I confess that I am very tired and very frustrated. I look forward to the weekend regardless of how this week ends.
My blowing up of technology still remains in tact. I came home to use my laptop and decided to drain the battery as I know it's not a good idea to leave it plugged in all the time. Go figure, I used it until I was able to fix dinner and plugged it in only to find out that the laptop is no longer charging when plugged to the outlet. This annoys me to a great degree. The majority point to having a laptop was portability and not having to be plugged in everywhere I go. Sadly, I am not allowed the luxury of having this for an extended period of time. What makes this much worse is that I attempted to install Windows 10 on this thing and of course that blew up. I had to reinstall windows 7 on it and I am not entirely sure that was done correctly. I have discovered that I have not the ability to adjust my start menu, as an example.
Along with the last few weeks, I am really struggling to feel out what I've been told and what I truly want to believe. I want it understood, up front, that I have faith and I believe that God is a part of my life. I am, however, only human and that means I have my failings. If there is a path before me, I struggle to see it. In my humanity... my failings... I admit that I am not likely supposed to see it. I just need some help in understanding.
I have been thinking about this over the past few days and I am understanding that I think I need to take a step back. I need to just breath and try to let all the stress go and let out all the pent up stress and depression that has been boiling inside me. I am not angry. I have no desire to scream or rage at anyone. If anything I want to just sit in a dark corner and quit. I just don't want to go any more. I want to wake up and find that it's all been a bad dream. Reality says that isn't going to happen and there have been good things about the past few weeks as well but that doesn't mean I do not struggle. I hope that those closest to me understand my frustration. I ask forgiveness and understanding because I am trying to move forward. I am trying to pick myself up and dust myself off. Lately, I feel like I've been put in the dirt to much and do not know where exactly to go from here but I am working on finding a direction.